This time no doubt shall be a task.
Beginning am I to realize that the realities of this world aren’t as fancy fanciful romantic romance as they may seem.
The end is no where near that simply is a scape goat for man to reject the reality of having to face themselves.
I am now in a place a space unlike that of my origin and it makes me want to go there even more.
I have never truly reconciled myself as a American.
rather it is prescribed to me that past and current socio political relations to the country that is the United States and the peoples with brown skin.
are broken.
the tar black skin that never existed.
never have we been coons.
we were and have and continue to be taken.
further and further away from that which we were and shall continue to be mutation.
derivation in a direction no one can follow.
What is going on with me.
what is going on in the world that is affecting.
effecting.
infecting me so that my imaginings of a once tomorrow seems like only yesterday.
there no doubt a conflict inside of me.
polarity.
pulling pushing rolling stopping me in my track.
artistically I am shifting.
the integrity of my work is being interrogated.
by the artist himself.
me.
what am I to produce for who.
whom.
why.
what.
when.
how.
the fluidity of art and arts spring from a well of self expression and ego.
but that also can be done selfishly and lacking in collective purpose and ability.
the art should be reasonable by an audience.
accessible.
applicable.
functional.
I am in Jamaica to absorb. not disperse.
I am here to take as much as can.
and shall.
I must begin to work out the kinks in my socializing that it not stiffle my development into who I am to become to be.
The antisocial tendencies rooted in in fear and insecurity must be broken.
I must eat better.
read more.
write less and live.
the use of my sexual organ is still of some mystery to me.
not in its biological function but its social utililization.
as a black male.
african afronegro nigga male there is suggestive lyric and tempo that I am to follow.
by both the western world and this black liberation movement.
to create millions and continue a legacy of continuity,purpose and exploration.
There has no doubt been in my mind the interrogation of sexuality and the ways in which it is prescribed to the minds so soiled for direction.
It is mine to take ownership and have fun with.
Why you,
because it makes sense to my senses and being who I am sense it all it needs to make.
or at least the rest can be figured along the way.
its funny that you ask that there be more fleshing out of this idea.
I knew that it would throw you for a loop.
knowing you and your’e shadow personality and tendency.
but I dont want it to throw you for a loop.
I want it to be something we plan together.
that we prepare for.
and investment.
a institution.
we are capable of that.
from our shopping sprees to exhibits to basement shin digs we can pull things off.
we make a operational team.
our communication there
of course will grow more explicit in time.
we dance.
oh do we dance
and the world stops when we do this dancing.
WE MUST DANCE SOON.
there is support and love.
an undercurrent of respect for one another is what carries us through maturation and developement.
we cook.
youre clean im a tad on the dusty side of things but none the less there can be.
I am realizing that there is something greater out there for me than the simple dealings with the mundane world.
My attraction to the male is that mundane.
though at time striking he is nothing more than artistry.
I must repair my relations with women.
my mother.
grandmother.
aunts and such.
I am to find a safe space within my masculinity that I navigate with more security and posture. .
its time for me to grow up.
I in know way suggested to you our possibility as a means of thorwing you off track. or course.
I know that there is time and space for you to develop and mature as well.
just know that I am here.
Inside Out 